Do women suffer from mid-life crisis? I hope so, because I feel like I am in full blown mid-life crisis mode! So, please bear with me while I ramble on for a little while after all I'm having a mid life crisis ( I think).
I have had a full time job since I was 16 years old. The only time I have taken off work in the past 37 years was for things like giving birth to my children, injury from a wreck and a couple of surgeries. But basically I have had a full time job for 37 years. It has always been my hearts desire to not have to work, but being a single mother for the first 16 years made that impossible.
Then when Doug and I married I never ever entertained the idea of not working since we were starting from scratch, raising 5 kids, paying rent, utilities, enoumous child support to his ex (even though we had the boys), buying food for an army, etc., etc., etc. Not working wasn't an option. But during the past 15 years God has been so faithful to bless us coming in and going out. We raised 5 fantastic and successful kids, paid off the all of our debts (except a few medical bills which will soon be gone), we own our home, own our cars, have savings/retirement accounts and have established two very successful side businesses for both of us.
So, for the first time in many years, the idea of not working didn't seem so far fetched. I/(we) made up my/(our) mind(s) and I was finally going to retire after Jordan graduated high school. But a couple of months before graduation I had that wonderful heart attack. Immediately I knew that retiring wasn't going to an option any longer because I had to have the health insurance. (can you say Spirit of Fear?) Six months passed and I had to replace my knee (see I knew I needed to keep that job with health insurance). One year passed and I blew out my other knee (good thing I didn't quit my job, after all I knew I was going to need that health insurance)
Long story short - We are now at 2+ years since deciding to retire. (and not doing it) During the past two years God has told me numerous times to retire, Doug has told me numerous times to retire, and my family and friends have encouraged me numerous times to retire. (also yesterday God revealed to me what I would be doing when I retire) Anyway, last night at WOW when asked what our fear was I told the ladies at my table my biggest fear was being so busy doing everything that I feel God wants me to do that I miss what God really wants me to do. 1st question - Does that sound crazy to anyone besides me? 2nd question - By not retiring am I missing what God wants me to do? and 3rd - If retiring is my hearts desire, my God has told me to do it, my husband agrees to it, and my family and friends encourage it , then why am I still working?
I have never been indecisive before, so why now? Why is this so hard? Why can't I just step out and do it? Why am I making this so difficult? Please tell me I'm just having a mid-life crisis. Please!
