Do women suffer from mid-life crisis? I hope so, because I feel like I am in full blown mid-life crisis mode! So, please bear with me while I ramble on for a little while after all I'm having a mid life crisis ( I think).
I have had a full time job since I was 16 years old. The only time I have taken off work in the past 37 years was for things like giving birth to my children, injury from a wreck and a couple of surgeries. But basically I have had a full time job for 37 years. It has always been my hearts desire to not have to work, but being a single mother for the first 16 years made that impossible.
Then when Doug and I married I never ever entertained the idea of not working since we were starting from scratch, raising 5 kids, paying rent, utilities, enoumous child support to his ex (even though we had the boys), buying food for an army, etc., etc., etc. Not working wasn't an option. But during the past 15 years God has been so faithful to bless us coming in and going out. We raised 5 fantastic and successful kids, paid off the all of our debts (except a few medical bills which will soon be gone), we own our home, own our cars, have savings/retirement accounts and have established two very successful side businesses for both of us.
So, for the first time in many years, the idea of not working didn't seem so far fetched. I/(we) made up my/(our) mind(s) and I was finally going to retire after Jordan graduated high school. But a couple of months before graduation I had that wonderful heart attack. Immediately I knew that retiring wasn't going to an option any longer because I had to have the health insurance. (can you say Spirit of Fear?) Six months passed and I had to replace my knee (see I knew I needed to keep that job with health insurance). One year passed and I blew out my other knee (good thing I didn't quit my job, after all I knew I was going to need that health insurance)
Long story short - We are now at 2+ years since deciding to retire. (and not doing it) During the past two years God has told me numerous times to retire, Doug has told me numerous times to retire, and my family and friends have encouraged me numerous times to retire. (also yesterday God revealed to me what I would be doing when I retire) Anyway, last night at WOW when asked what our fear was I told the ladies at my table my biggest fear was being so busy doing everything that I feel God wants me to do that I miss what God really wants me to do. 1st question - Does that sound crazy to anyone besides me? 2nd question - By not retiring am I missing what God wants me to do? and 3rd - If retiring is my hearts desire, my God has told me to do it, my husband agrees to it, and my family and friends encourage it , then why am I still working?
I have never been indecisive before, so why now? Why is this so hard? Why can't I just step out and do it? Why am I making this so difficult? Please tell me I'm just having a mid-life crisis. Please!
I have had a full time job since I was 16 years old. The only time I have taken off work in the past 37 years was for things like giving birth to my children, injury from a wreck and a couple of surgeries. But basically I have had a full time job for 37 years. It has always been my hearts desire to not have to work, but being a single mother for the first 16 years made that impossible.
Then when Doug and I married I never ever entertained the idea of not working since we were starting from scratch, raising 5 kids, paying rent, utilities, enoumous child support to his ex (even though we had the boys), buying food for an army, etc., etc., etc. Not working wasn't an option. But during the past 15 years God has been so faithful to bless us coming in and going out. We raised 5 fantastic and successful kids, paid off the all of our debts (except a few medical bills which will soon be gone), we own our home, own our cars, have savings/retirement accounts and have established two very successful side businesses for both of us.
So, for the first time in many years, the idea of not working didn't seem so far fetched. I/(we) made up my/(our) mind(s) and I was finally going to retire after Jordan graduated high school. But a couple of months before graduation I had that wonderful heart attack. Immediately I knew that retiring wasn't going to an option any longer because I had to have the health insurance. (can you say Spirit of Fear?) Six months passed and I had to replace my knee (see I knew I needed to keep that job with health insurance). One year passed and I blew out my other knee (good thing I didn't quit my job, after all I knew I was going to need that health insurance)
Long story short - We are now at 2+ years since deciding to retire. (and not doing it) During the past two years God has told me numerous times to retire, Doug has told me numerous times to retire, and my family and friends have encouraged me numerous times to retire. (also yesterday God revealed to me what I would be doing when I retire) Anyway, last night at WOW when asked what our fear was I told the ladies at my table my biggest fear was being so busy doing everything that I feel God wants me to do that I miss what God really wants me to do. 1st question - Does that sound crazy to anyone besides me? 2nd question - By not retiring am I missing what God wants me to do? and 3rd - If retiring is my hearts desire, my God has told me to do it, my husband agrees to it, and my family and friends encourage it , then why am I still working?
I have never been indecisive before, so why now? Why is this so hard? Why can't I just step out and do it? Why am I making this so difficult? Please tell me I'm just having a mid-life crisis. Please!
6 comments:
I don't think you're having a mid-life crisis at all. I think it's more of a "flesh" crisis. It's so hard for our flesh to do the things God has told us to do. It's easy for me and everyone else to sit here and tell you to just listen to God, we're not the ones struggling with this dilemna. Everyone struggles with what God has told them to do at one point or another. That's what makes God's love for us so great! He still loves you and wants the best for you no matter what. Could you maybe start working part time until you're ready to quit altogether?
WELL I HAVE TO AGREE WITH DOUG....
JUST RETIRE ALREADY......
GOD HAS YOUR BACK IN THIS MATTER.
JUST DO IT..
I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR ALL ABOUT THE WONDERFUL NEW TING YOU WILL BE DOING IN ALL YOUR FREE TIME WHEN YOU ARE NO LONGER GOING TO WORK IN ABILENE.
YAAA GOD....
wow that was good
Sis,
You are NOT crazy! (well, not any more so than usual...hehehe) I also have recently had to sit back and take a "sabbatical" from doing all the stuff for God, because I felt like I could no longer hear what He was saying to me. Sometimes He wants us to "rest in HIM", and if you don't....He may just put you out on your back so you HAVE to look up and listen to HIM! It could be that these medical inconveniences keep happening to you because you AREN'T listening. There was a bumper sticker out years ago that said,"God said it, I believe it, That settles it!" But I disagree...If GOD said it....That settles it! It doesen't matter if I believe it or not. So, if GOD has told you to retire......That oughta pretty much settle it....don't ya think?
I love you,
Sis
I know what everyone said it most accurate. I had to take baby steps like amanda suggested. As soon as I went part-time Joel's business went up. Is it a fear of provision, or is it the benefit thing. Honestly benefits are the hardest for me. Until you have Medicare, Which I know you are too young for, there is that span of time that is just too hard. OUt of pocket benefits that have high deductibles are way expensive. I know this is supposed to be encouraging. I just think you need to realize that where ever you go and what ever you do, he is there. Whatever choice you make, whatever road you take. If He is in everything, if he lives in you and works through you, nothing else matters. Have peace. He loves you completely even when we are confused and don't feel complete.
I was going to copy and paste Amanda's comment for my own.
It would be really easy to say just quit. You're husband said it's okay and that's what you think God is telling you. But, like Amanda said...I don't have anything invested in that decision.
I do know that Randy and I have gone through a similar situation. Randy thought for a long time that he was supposed to go out on his own and start a business. Well, his last day of work AND INSURANCE was the day that our third child was born. She was actually induced early so the hospital would be covered by insurance. Even though it was scary we knew that we were on the right path. The Lord has been faithful every day.
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